Jadeite: Okay, Neph, let's get this over with, so I can request a picture of Mars!
Nephrite: Oh crap... did you see it says no nudity?
Jade: So what? MY woman doesn't need to be naked to make a good picture. Come on, Usagi discovers a secret something, what do we put in there?
Neph: I don't believe you are going to write a fanfic! How low can you sink for that stupid pic? Isn't there enough shitty amateur stuff out there already?
Jade: Fat lot of help you are. You're just jealous because noone ever writes any sex scene worth mentioning that includes you. You don't even get any good yaoi!
Neph: Oh I think I do, and every time I do, I get to top you!
Jade: The hell you do!
Neph: Don't make me read it all aloud to you to prove my point, Jadey-honey. Now finish this crap already, I'm getting hungry.
Jade: Then give me one decent beginning sentences! I'm stuck with this, I just need a little input to get going.
Neph: You're already stuck at the first sentence? Yeah, I can SO see you win a hot Mars in undies pinup here.
Jade: That's just because you are distracting me all the time. Come on, first sentence is?
Neph: Give me that keyboard. "Usagi discovers a secret stash of bad fanfiction plot devices and must protect it from all the fangirls who would distory language and grama as we know it if they discovered it."
Jade: "distory"? "grama"? Looks like they've already found it, looks like Sailor Moon doesn't need to bother any more.
Neph: Man, it's just a typo. Write your crap yourself, Shakespeare, if you're so picky. Hey, how about that: "But she totally messes it up, ends up crying, and now you know how all that bad fanfiction came into the world." End of story.
Jade: Hey, I want to win this contest. And you don't win a Sailor Moon contest by showing her falling on her butt and wailing around.
Neph: I like it.
Jade: But you can't draw anything other than stick figures, so what you like is totally irrelevant. We need to come up with something that the jury, the drawing skill posessing jury, remind you, will like.
Neph: The jury thinks it's funny to get me folded into a trash bin. What do you expect? Include a panty shot when Sailor Moon collapses onto the floor and we've already won.
Listen to this: "But nothing in the world can stop fangirls, not even Sailor Moon if she wielded the Silver Crystal at them, and so the bad plot devices get immediately taken and put in action, and that's why Sailor Moon drops onto her butt, and her skirt billows, and everyone is blinded by the sight of her panties."
Jade: Okay, not bad.
Neph: Brilliant, you mean... Come on, let's eat.
Jade: Wait, we need to do the others as well.
Neph: Hands off Jupiter! Let me do this one! "Makoto is having lots of fun shopping at the local beachside board-walk, when suddenly she meets the most attractive guy she's ever seen!"
Jade: What, you want Endymion in this?
Neph: What are you talking about? Endy is colorblind and couldn't dress decent if his life was depending on it. He's got nothing on me.
Jade: Kunzite then. Why write up Jupiter with Kun? They're both so stubborn, unforgiving and one track minded, they'll annihilate each other before the first date.
Neph: All the better. She can zap him. One down, free sight on Jupiter.
Jade: Ha! Hey, Zoi, Neph writes a fanfic where Kun gets his ass kicked by Jupiter!
Zoi: Whaaaaat?
Neph: Jade, are you insane? Keep Zoi out of this, or we'll be in male chest shots and boy on boy scenes up to our necks with the story.
Jade: So what? Might as well win us the contest. We'll have to make good with the fangirls anyway. Hey, Zoi, Neph will write you a yaoi cameo to apologize!
Neph: Jadeite, you dumbass! Shut up! Oh no, he's coming over! You know he'll be of no help whatsoever, just making fun of us and getting on our nerves. Thank you for that valuable contribution, Jade.
Jade: Getting on YOUR nerves, you mean. Get a grip man. Fabulous prize, Neph, fabulous prize!
Neph: No pencil drawing of Jupiter's boobs is worth this... Oh, hi, Zoisite. We're not writing any smut for you, so get lost.
Zoi: Hi, Nephrite... I love yaoi! Tell me who you're going to pair me with!
Neph: The ugliest guy I can find!
Zoi: That's very sweet, but you know I'm not into you. Jade maybe, after some badass schoolgirls beat him into submission and he's ready for a little consolation...
Jade: Yeah, yeah, very funny, like it'll ever happen again. But keep it coming, Zoi, we need your dirty imagination for winning this contest.
Zoi: What contest? Win a drawing? Oh, it's that talented guy who thinks I'm a genius. Hm, I'm in, I know what I'll request!
Neph: You did see it says no sex, no nudity, right?
Zoi: That refers to the prize, not the contest entry. Don't tell me you haven't even taken off your shirts yet. Do you want to win this or not? Tss... amateurs.
Neph: You're not starting to undress now? If you even think of touching that clasps of your uniform, I'll blind you. Better you than me.
Zoi: Tss, you don't need to be naked when you're able to ooze sensuality out of every pore. You should try that, Neph, you'd be surprised.
Jade: Aw, don't be mean, don't you see he is already oozing out of every pore, just not sensuality?
Neph: Cut it out, you two. You'll not push me out of the winning team by ganging up on me. Zoi, your turn, we still have girls to do. Which one do you want?
Zoi: Hm, let me see... Ami forgot her vibrator and now she has to...
Jade & Neph: ZOISITE!
Jade: Damnit, do we seriously want to win or just fool around? Concentrate, Zoi, what would Ami need on a beach?
Zoi: Hm... hm... cool guy... cool outfit... cool drink... cool... hm... cool icecubes? Ami needs ice-cubes to cool her... hm, her drink?
Jade: I should hope it is her drink.
Neph: No wait, that's good! "Ami forgot to bring her cooling bag to the beach, and now she needs ice-cubes for a cool drink...
Zoi: ... and to cool herself from the sight of the hottest man on earth that just passed her beach mat."
Jade: Oh no, another one who wants to bring in Kunzite.
Zoi: You said you want to win. Everyone wants Kunzite. Believe me, I burnt more fanmail that you'd ever imagine. And remember the drawing of Kunzite taking a bath? I almost fainted!
Neph: Yeah right, from loss of blood at the head, all running somewhere else...
Jade: But he's right, we have to please a serious Kunzite lover here...
Zoi: Yeah right, please me, heehee...
Jade: Correction, a serious Kunzite fan here in the jury, so topless Kunzite it is. Go ahead, Zoi.
Zoi: "He slowly steps into the sea, and the waves are playing around his ankles, then his perfect calves, strong thighs, soaking his bathing trunk which then clings to an ass like granite, and..."
Neph: aargh, Zoi, get to the point. This is about Ami. What's she doing with the ice-cubes?
Zoi: What do you think she's doing with them? And by the way, wouldn't this be the right place for the yaoi scene?
Jade: Zoisite, no yaoi, come on, finish Ami's part without fussing around Kunzite's ass, will you?
Zoi: Ph, we just could have gathered all girls on the beach and let them watch Kunzite pour water over himself, and we'd have won already. And it'd be a great intro to the yaoi action...
Jade: But that doesn't meet the requirements, and thank you very much, but I don't want to explain to Kunzite that we've won a contest by turning in his ass. You might get away with it. You get away with everything with Kunzite. But we others would like to contintue breathing for a while. So, Ami, ice-cube, she hasn't got any, remember, how does she improvise?
Zoi: "But an unspeakably beautiful stranger offers to lend her an icy crystal, and they discover all kinds of exciting ways to cool her with it." There, no yaoi, happy now?
Neph: I hate you, Zoi. I'll never get these pictures out of my head again.
Zoi: That's the point, you know. My crystals are extremely popular, because I worked hard on excessive test batteries to give them the optimal size, durablity and haptic excellence.
Jade: Yeah, Zoi, we know your crstals are long, hard and smooth, thank you for reminding us, will you shut up about it now and let me finish the Rei part? You can think of something really clever for Minako in the meantime.
Neph: And no yaoi. Okay, Jade, get going, I'm hungry. What do you have?
Jade: "Rei is pursued relentlessly by horny frat boys. Short of toasting their pubes, she... she..." damn, I can't get over those creepy stalkers. I'd get their sorry little asses for it if I were there.
Zoi: No yaoi, Jadeite. Or if you want some, let me do it, to get it right.
Neph: You can't have a boy on boy scene here, Mars is a girl.
Zoi: She could watch.
Jade: Like hell she could!
Zoi: Hehe, you want her to join then?
Neph: Jadeite! Let go of him! Fabulous prize, Jade, fabulous prize!
Jade: Change of plans! Kill Zoi first, cash in prize later! Ow! OW! Zoi, damnit, that's low, even for you!
Zoi: Hehehe, yes, but it works.
Neph: Stop giggling, Zoi, let him finish his part, or all your brain power action will have left wrinkles on your forehead for nothing.
Zoi: I don't have wrinkles. I never will. And if you think any conversation with you requires brain powers, you are...
Jade: Zoi, let him. Tell me, what would you do to get rid of a hoard of disgusting brats following you around?
Zoi: Do I have to leave them alive?
Jade: Do you want me to call Endy so we can discuss the new rules again? Of course you leave them alive nowadays!
Zoi: Oh well, to please our sweet prince... She buys some bottles of booze and promises she'll let them have them if they jump off a cliff. A non-deadly one, if you insist.
Neph: Hm, primitive. But effective. Should have known you knew all about horny little brats. What are frat boys anyway?
Zoi: Americans.
Neph: Then how about: "She realizes they're Americans and blends into the next crowd of Japanese people, making it impossible for the frat boys to tell her apart from every other Japanese girl around, and so she loses them."
Jade: I say, let Mars' fanclub deal with them. Let them deal with anyone who isn't me! That leaves us with the Venus part.
Zoi: "Minako is tantalizingly close to winning a certain September competition but the shitennou got there first and the unforeseeable event of their entry actually being better than hers happens and sabotages her lead! Revenge must be had! But this is already the shitennous revenge for all the stuff the sailor senshi did to them, and to get revenge on revenge, which was in turn the senshi's revenge for the shitennous's evil doings is just....wrong. So she steps back and graciously and (for the most part) quietly, lets them win the contest."
Jade: Boo, lame.
Neph: Shut up, Jadeite, this is brilliant. Listen: "And besides, the Shitennou have invited the Senshi to a big party in case they win, and the other Senshi have already decided they want to go there, and there will even be a chance to see some Kunz and Zoi action once they're drunk enough."
Zoi: Perfect. Only I don't need to be drunk for that.
Neph: Not you, man, the girls. Hey, Jade, what happened to you? Are you still breathing? Come on man, let's hand this story in and go eat something before I'm starving.
Jade: ...
Zoi: Jadeite! Need a kiss of life?
Jade: Nonono... just... We could do that... invite them to a party if we win... do you think Mars would come?
Zoi: To kill you for your poor attempt at the story? Perhaps.
Jade: It'd be worth it. Let's enter this thing.
Neph: You're so pathetic. I bet you'll wish for a picture of you wiggling under her boot.
Zoi: If he doesn't, I might. And then I expect you to be grateful for it, Jadeite. Very grateful.
Jade: Shut up, Zoi, you're just jealous because Kunzite never wears red pumps like Mars. OK, it's up. Let's get some food into Nephrite before it's too late. And then I need to do some party planning...
