I've seen Essex's execution attributed to Elizabeth's vanity. Apparently he burst into her chamber when he returned from Ireland & saw her unwigged, unpainted, and undressed. Next thing you know, his head is on the block.
You got it right dearie! The guy was a pig!
He saw me in bloomers without any wig!
He popped in my chamber, I wasn't prepared,
And gone was the friendship and love that we shared!
He'd thought I was pretty, quite fit, and quite firm,
But he took just a peek and he started to squirm!
"Where's Lizzie?!!" He screamed when he glanced at my face,
Devoid of the lead I had smeared everyplace!
"It's me, Essex Baby! Come gimme a kiss!
What's the matter with you? Don't you like me like this?
I am QUEEN! Take me now, cuz I wanna get laid"
But he ran away quick and I stayed an old maid.
So I called on my lords, my advisors at court,
And I said to them, "Men! You get rid of that sport!
He's not worth a hoot anymore to me now,
And I want him away, and I do not care how!"
"But Madame", they answered, "Just what can we do?
He's Earl of the Essex! He isn't true blue?
If you say he's a traitor, we'll cut off his head
On the Green in the tower and leave him for dead!"
"He's a traitor for sure!", Was my wicked reply,
And I said, "I don't care, just get rid of the guy!
He fooled me real good, I was struck by his charm
But now I'm convinced he's a phony alarm!"
In addition to this, they discovered a plot
That he wanted to steal all the power I got,
So they cut off his head, and he died on the Green,
And I lost my true love, but at least I was Queen.
Her Highness,
Elizabeth R
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