Topic
:
Finding my faith.......
<P><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#ff7373 size=3>Hello to all who reads this, I have so much to say and I am not even sure how or where to begin.... I was raised in a Religious home, and as a youth I attended church with my parents, But as I got older I drifted away from church, from Christ, and lead a life that to this day I apologize to my parents and my friends parents about. I was roudy, stubborn, hard-headed, no one could be right but me, I stayed out all night partying with friends not ever thinking of the impact that the life I was leading was having on my family, and the ones who loved me the most. I graduated high school- early even, shocking everyone.... I waited a couple of years to go to college and when I did I went for 3 years and ended up dropping out (a mistake that I wish I would never have made). I thought that I knew what life was about but really I was lost, and lonely, and in desperate need stability, hope, and the love that my parents had been telling me about for years and the love that I had seen from them, in them, that constantly all around them in all that they do..... At twenty-six years old I met my now husband and became pregnant, we were married and shortly there after gave birth to my amazing daughter Allie Marie. After our Allie was born it wasn't long and she became sick (one month actually), at first it was RSV, then double lung pneumonia, and after we stayed at Lakeland Hospital for a couple of weeks and then got the ok to come home! I never left her side, we slept together, bathed together, ate together, took breathing treatments together- lol...... We were home and settled into our newly happy routine when Our angel became deathly ill with Kawasaki's Disease, we spent 3 days at Lakeland again, then transported to Memorial for a week. During this time I watched our daughter get more and more ill every moment of everyday that passed. She nearly died in front of me, the hospital had the chaplain come talk to me- after being there a week and no positive thing happening with my baby, I went to the Dr.'s and told them I was taking my little baby out of there. After many forms being signed my daughter and I walked out of the hospital got into my parents car and headed to Grand Rapids to the Helen <SPAN class=SpellWords id=spellword10>Devos</SPAN> Children's Hospital. With in minutes of arriving then knew what she had and began treatment! I stayed with her never leaving her side, never coming home just like I had never left her side any time before, not once....... We stayed at Helen <SPAN class=SpellWords id=spellword12>Devos</SPAN> Children's Hospital for nearly a month...... I stayed, I found my self receiving phone calls from people that I didn't even know asking to pray for our Allie Marie, asking to come see her, to pray for our family..... I didn't know what was happening, why was this happening? How did these people who didn't even know us, me, our daughter- care enough to come pray, to call, to cry with me, to pray with me....... Day after day the calls continued and the visits continued, and then I found myself in my daughter isolated hospital room on my knees on the hospital floor begging God to hear my prayers, to heal my little baby, to help me understand, to forgive me for my sins and to please God please spare her life, save her life, save my life.......... I vowed to dedicate my life to my daughter, to start over and to begin to go to church again. Everyday I would lay with her, hold her, and I would find myself once again praying for her life, her health to get better, for us to have a chance to be a family, a chance for me to be a mother, and a new start at life. After the second week she began to improve little by little, she began to respond to us, she began to eat, the fevers went down and eventually away, the meningitis (from the Kawasaki's treatment) was gone, now it was constant evaluation of her heart. The KD had reached her arteries and had inflamed her heart and the surrounding vessel's, arteries....... She had two aneurysm's from it.... They told me that we had to watch out for her heart because it had caused so much damage to this point, they gave her countless meds, but kept telling me every time they entered our room how much better she was doing and that "her guardian angel has been watching over her" At the time I didn't realize that her "guardian angel" was God and he was listening, he was there with us in that room, her heard me, he saw me and my little baby, and he answered (PRAISE THE LORD)....... Finally just before Easter the infectious disease Dr. and the cardiologist came in and said to me- we think she is <SPAN class=SpellWords id=spellword25>ok</SPAN> enough to go home and continue her rounds of medications at home and to continue treatments by driving back and forth from your home to here....... Once again the tears flowed, thank you thank you thank you I cried and prayed and said aloud over and over. It was a battle for the longest time, but she made it, we made it........ I now call my daughter "my saving grace"........ I wanted to begin to go to church again, I said countless time that I wanted to go, but I had no one to go with- my husband does not want to be pushed into it as he had when he was little.... So I looked else where- where should I go? Who should I talk to? I went to my parents, I thought none better then them after all my parents had been with the same church for nearly 40 years, and my dad was and still is the founder of Children's international Lifeline Ministries. My dad said to me "I want to see you attending church and have my granddaughter there attending before I pass away"- WOW! I went home and thought to myself I have to do something- I continued my talks with my parents and night after night would sit holding my daughter praying, praying for her life, for her better health, thanking God for healing her, hearing and helping us, I prayed for him to forgive my sins, my trust-passes, and to please cleanse my soul, the sinners prayer.... I will never forget as I was there on my knees praying this prayer, I began to cry, I began to seriously cry so hard that I just couldn't breath, I couldn't stop the tears and then at the end of my prayer I felt at peace- a calm that I hadn't felt before honestly. My father had talked me into going to a church that he had heard about..... GCC.... It was my dad, my mom, my husband and myself. We went and it was great! But after church and once home again I felt alone- who would I take to church with me, I asked my husband to go but again and again I knew he didn't want to be pushed into it and that he would come on his own. Time went on and again my dad said come with me to my church then, so I grabbed the diaper bag and daughter and off we went. After church I went home wondering what to do, knowing that I wasn't happy and fulfilled with the day's event's, I wasn't drawn to it and I knew I wanted something more. I finally called dad one day and said dad I want to go back to that church we visited long ago the Granger Church. He was happy and said yes. We went and checked my Allie Marie into her Sunday school room and off we went to here the sermon! What an amazing overwhelming feeling that overcame me, I found myself crying during the sermon and went home completely fulfilled. I thought to myself this is it, this is what I have been looking for- that very next Sunday there we were this time, just my daughter and I. I figured it out that I didn't need anyone to come with me to church to belong or to feel right. Since that first Sunday I have came every week with my little girl and I know that every week I will be there, we both look forward to coming to church, to the GCC. It amazes me that every sermon I have attended (every Sunday) that I cry, that I cry for happiness, that each sermon at some point I swear the preacher is talking directly to me about exactly what has been happening in my life- in our life! I go home every week and put the paperwork from church on our fridge and look at it everyday- think about it everyday. We pray everyday every night and I thank God for hearing me so long ago and helping me find the GCC. I thank God everyday for giving me my daughter, for blessing me with her and saving her life as well as mine. I have a long road ahead of me and so much to learn and to teach my baby girl but I know that I will find this all here with "our" church the GCC. Thank you for all that you do and for "i swear you know every Sunday what i am thinking" and for the chance you are giving myself and my daughter to learn about God, to go to him, and to let him love us just as we are..... Thank you...... Michelle and Allie Marie <SPAN class=SpellWords id=spellword36>Canfield</SPAN><BR><BR>P.S. My husband has now attended 3 of the sermons and he say's that he will continue to go! </FONT></P>
